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I was sexually abused as a child by a neighbor man and his brother. I never told anyone and it has haunted me my whole life and has definitely affected my relationships with men.I hide the pain by eating and have built this wall of fat to surround myself and make me unattractive to men, that way I don't get hurt.
The most shameful thing of all is the abuse has left me with a life long obsession with being fingered, the more fingers the better....so disgusted with this fetish but have no idea how to stop thinking about being fingered by men. I don't have the guts to act on this obsession and at my present weight I can't seem to attract a man anyways so that's probably a good thing.
Just wanted to finally get this off my chest and hopefully start to heal a bit inside and find a new way to stop the pain I still feel.
Posted 3 months ago
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